My husband has SA. We were married in 1998, and I didn't know he had it when we got married. His family was all around him, and they don't have it, so for awhile things were fine. I'm quite outgoing, and enjoyed getting to know all of them. After his parents died, I was soon quite isolated. We didn't go out with anyone and only visited his sister and brother a few times a year. Whenever we came home from a visit with family, or church, he'd go take a very long nap—5 or 6 hours. Guess what? I was alone all that time. I tried to cope with that, but had little chance to make friends. In 2007, we visited my home town in Michigan, and found out that my childhood home was for sale. It's a great old house (140 years old), and I wanted to buy it. It's in a small town (6,000 residents or so) I knew a lot of people there. When we got back to Texas, where we were living, I told him I really wanted to move back home, where I would have a social life. Nothing wild, just friends. I knew I would have to find a way to cope with his SA, and he wasn't doing anything to help himself. I finally told him to get the help he needed, or I would move back home. He didn't do it, but did help me buy the childhood home. That's where I live now, and he's still back in Texas. The agreement was that when I qualify for Social Security, he would move up here. The reason for that was because he had a job there, and could contribute to my support. That job is now winding down, and it looks like he may not have it much longer. I am working two jobs and have a small pension, so I can pay the mortgage. It doesn't come out of his pocket. He helps with living expenses. He visited one time, and we had a wonderful reunion. He thought the town was beautiful, and we went to the church where I went when I was a girl. However, after church, all he wanted to do was get out of there, so we went home. (my home) That told me that his SA would always be a factor, but I realized I could have a social life here, and if he were here he wouldn't have to have one if he didn't want it. This all might just be venting. I don't know. I know I gave Texas, and this guy, a lot of years of love and support. Now, when his job is in jeopardy, he won't come up here to live. And don't believe what they tell you about jobs in Michigan. They're here. You might not have a career, but a job is pretty easy to find. Someone, please help me.

This is very sad and it must be a very frustrating time for you. It is promising that your husband did like the town you live in when he visited and I think that for the time being you need to get him to come up as often as you can for longer and longer spells but at the same time put no pressure on him to move and wave him off happily each time when he goes back to Texas. If someone suffers from the type of anxiety that your husband does they will feel very panicked by pressure being put on them. Just do it little by little until he feels comfortable enough to make the move. If he finds you happy and upbeat and loving each time he comes it won't be long before he wants to be with you all the time. But it has to be his decision. Getting upset about it will only make him back away from the idea.

I hade a similar experience when I was married previously. In the end I gave up trying. This is a really difficult situation and it can often be that the sufferer refuses to seek medical help which makes it all the more difficult! You know what they say, you can lead horse to water but you can't make it drink.

We would love to hear that things are improving, are they?