Hello,

Is family the best place to eldercare?

I think so, as long as you have a nice family around and the senior person does not need intensive medical care. However, different people from different culture background may have very different opinions about this.

My wifes father had a stroke some time ago and it became obvious that my mother in law would not be able to cope with him entirely alone. They do not need constant care yet but my wife and I have moved closer to them so that we can be a safety net for them whenever they need us. I think it is very important that family take on responsibility for the care of the elderly. Where possible it should be the family who care for those who are old and need us. Think about the societies where this happens routinely. They are the societies who demonstrate strong family values, and where young people grow up respecting the old and other members of their families. Many of the problems that we face with unruly and drug and alcohol prone youth, could, I am sure be addressed by more structured family living and an ingrained respect for their elders. We know that the day might come when we have to have my wifes parents to live with us and we are prepared for that, we have a very good support network from medical and nursing teams and with that and the love and care that we owe those who have cared for us, I know that we will make the best job of it that we can.

It is not always possible for the family to look after an elder, however good the intention. A friend of mines mother developed Alzheimer's disease. My friend is a senior midwife and had a very busy and responsible job. She did what she could for her mother but one day she came back to find that her mother had turned on the gas cooker without lighting it. Fortunately no harm was done on that occasion but she knew that she could not look after her mother in the way that she needed or deserved to be looked after. What was more she was putting her mother's life and possibly those of her neighbours at risk leaving her alone at home. She choose a good home with experienced staff to look after her Mom and visited her whenever she could. I know that to this day she feels guilty although I tell her that she would not, she could not give up work to look after her mother as that would eventually have made both of them homeless. It is a tough one, but sometimes it really is better to let the professionals take over.

I have been thinking about this subject for a while now. I remember when I used to walk to work, many years ago, I used to pass through an area that had a lot of old peoples homes. It used to send a cold chill down my spine to see them all sitting in chairs lined up around the room, not a flicker of expression on anyones face. It looked like a living death to me. If I could care for an older relative in my home I would, surely the comings and goings and life going on all around with the usual family stuff would offer some stimulation and make life better?